Having a bad day has really become part of my routine. By now, I am used to lessons going horribly awry, unpredictable events taking up my prep time and never knowing in advance what state my students will be in by the time they arrive in my classroom.
Today I started the day tired and slightly under-prepared. I had my lesson planned, but I hadn't made my copies and my first period prep was taken up dealing with students. I managed to get to class with the correct copies, but it stressed e out having to rush. Then, I found out that one of my advisees is pregnant - with her second child. Only this time, she doesn't want to keep the baby. As one of only 2 teachers this girl has told, I feel responsible for making sure she gets through this ok. But I have zero experience with abortions.
I was not ready for all of this when I started in September.
Now that I have grown to know these kids and this environment, however, I can accept events as they come. I may not have all the answers to give this girl, but I do have the confidence to give her advice about what to do, how to be safe. We had the whole "how to use birth control" talk and I will keep monitoring her for changes.
I am finding myself more and more detached from my job as the year goes on. Not that I don't care about these students! Anyone who knows me can tell you that I wouldn't give up this job for the world. I love my students and the challenges they provide for me, and I am no longer bogged down by these challenges. I no longer come home saying "I just don't know if these kids will make it." As the same time, I don't want to become one of those heartless old teachers I knew and feared growing up.
The good news is the difficult days are getting farther apart, with many more good days intervening. And to be honest, today ended with one fantastic class. Overall, I think I am handling the bad days in a much more calm and responsible way. I am sure it will continue to improve as the year continues.
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