Abandonment Complexes

One of the teachers at our school is leaving this week. She's not going on maternity leave or moving with her husband to another state. She's not sick, nor is anyone in her family sick. And all the kids came to me asking, "Why is she leaving us?"

Although these kids complain about having to come to school, it is moments like these that make you realize that they actually love it. They love the consistency that many of them do not have in their lives outside of school. They are constantly pushing against us to see how hard we will push back - the harder we push signifying greater love for them. So it hurts them when they feel we are abandoning them.

Ignore the fact that they constantly complained about this teacher until today, when they found out. Ignore the fact that they tried to hide out in my classroom instead of going to hers. Ignore the fact that cries of "I hate Ms. X" were often bandied about my classroom. Today, they all looked indignant and asked why she was leaving.

My advisory students still talk about the advisor they had last year, a math teacher who left the school at the end of the year, and I know that several of them took it personally when she left. I can only imagine how this teacher's advisory is going to feel when she abandons them mid-year. Many of these students are familiar with abandonment in their personal lives and they grow to expect more from their school environment. I can see how much it pains them when we let them down.

I'm sure in time, they will get used to the new teacher, but the whole ordeal made me think about my own situation at school. The school is not great and I considered leaving for a while, although I never would have left in the middle of the year. However, I don't know if I could bear hurting these kids like that, after all some of them have been through. But does that mean I'm stuck at this school forever? In the end, I've decided to stick it out for a couple more years. After all, what could be more rewarding than helping a suffering school get better? At the same time, I know I need to be careful because I tend to get too attached and I don't want to end up in a situation where I'm staying in a bad job just to avoid hurting the kids. They will rebound.

At what point do I need to draw the line and just fend for myself?

Comments

[Kelvin Kao]

I don't know if there's a way to teach them to disassociate departure with abandonment, but that's also a part of life. I guess the teachers who have the oldest kids have it easier since they can time it with graduation/commencement.

[Teacher's Diary]

True, it would be great if we could get them to disassociate, but for so many of them it seems to be an instinctive defense mechanism. I think the best way to mitigate the situation would be to tell them in advance and explain the reason for the move. That way, at least they might not feel as threatened by it.

What do you think might help students distance themselves emotionally in a situation like this one?