Teacher's Diary

Parent Teacher Conferences

Tonight was the night all my kids were dreading...Parent Teacher Conferences. As a kid, I remember my parents giving us an early dinner and setting us in front of our homework before sprucing up and heading off to meet with my teachers. My experience tonight was so different.

Protocol at my school: all parents make an appointment with their child's advisor and the advisor speaks with them about all classes. If desired, the parent can then walk around to meet other teachers.

First of all, I had been warned that no parents were going to come, but my schedule was full. Just wait, the veterans said. There will be a few no-shows.

But 6 o'clock arrived and the parents started rolling in. I only had one no-show, but filled that time with 2 parents who had not scheduled appointments, plus meeting with several parents who wanted to speak to the science teacher.

Only one parent came without their child and her conference was the most interesting of the night. Apparently this woman never showed up for a conference last year, but somehow decided to come tonight. I had spoken to her on the phone before about her son's behavior in class and had seen minor improvements, but nothing drastic. Here's a general transcript of our meeting tonight:

"Ms. _____, so nice to meet you! I believe we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago."

"You called me?"

"Yes we spoke on the phone about your son's behavior in class..."

(blank look)

A few minutes into the conference, I took out the boy's attendance record.

"Well, your son has been doing a great job with attendance. He's only missed school twice so far this semester."

"Where he go?"

"Um, I don't know where he went those two days. He wasn't at home?"

"No." (very angrily)

(We transitioned into his academics, which could be better and his classroom talkativeness.)

"So, he can be very talkative, but he is never disrespectful to the teachers. He should just try to sit with different people."

"You just slap him."

"Excuse me?"

"Just slap him if he don't behave."

"...?"

I somehow have a feeling that kid is going to get more than a talking to tonight. I didn't even tell her he skipped school today...

Conferences continue tomorrow and my two most problematic advisees both have appointments, so we'll see what comes of it. One of them, Adam, has been getting worse. He was assigned detention for cutting class and hasn't come to school since he found out he would have detention the next day. And I haven't been able to reach his mom. Of course. Hopefully she remembers to come tomorrow.

Diagnosing the Problem

After a horrible day yesterday, and despite the lousy weather, today showed a ray of sunshine in terms of my teaching. I felt that I started to reach two kids, though in very different ways.

One of my advisees has been struggling in all his classes. In my class, I've noticed that he will work for a few minutes and then put his head down on his desk until prompted to pick it up. His other teachers confirmed that he is the same in every class - and as a result failed several classes first marking period because of missing work, even though he is in class practically every day.

When I gave a self-evaluation out in advisory, he responded saying that he is a lazy person and should stop being so lazy in his classes. Somehow, though, I knew that that wasn't it. I could tell that he was trying and that he wasn't just lazy. I conferenced with him, asking him about home and how he felt about himself. Everything led me to believe that he was experiencing some form of depression. Having gone through something similar myself, I recognized many of his symptoms and worried that he would deny it. So I brought up my own experiences and told him that I was concerned he might be feeling the same way I had. He agreed right away to go to a depression screening today - and came back saying "Miss, you were right." He is going to have an initial counseling appointment tomorrow and his afternoon classes already saw an improvement in his attitude. I hope it helps in the long run.

The second kid is the exact opposite: one of the most disruptive kids in the class, obviously extremely smart but will not apply himself. I figured part of his behavior issues came from being bored and uninterested in the material in front of him. I knew that he is into computers, so I hit upon the idea of starting a computer club after school for him, on the condition that he behave during the school day. Last Tuesday was the first meeting and I didn't let him go because of his behavior. This week, he has been markedly improved, especially when I drop word of the club. Today, he sat and did work for nearly the whole period and yesterday, he even came for extra help because he has missed much of the material by refusing to sit still.

This afternoon, in computer club, I saw a completely different side of him. He was engaged and quiet, and though he still burst out every now and then, all of his comments were on-task! I'm excited to use the club as a way to connect with him and give him positive reinforcement for doing well in school. And I better brush up on my Java because he wants to learn...

Searching for Small Miracles

Today was a rough day. Though I am ashamed to admit it, I cried for the first time since starting teaching. After school, of course, since I would NEVER let my students see me cry. And it wasn't because I was taking their insults personally or even because I felt like a bad teacher. It was more because I feel so sorry for the students who are actually trying to learn in my worst class and in fact are learning absolutely nothing. Plus, I have watched smart, motivated kids completely lose focus and become part of the problem. That one class is getting completely out of control.

And I'm out of ideas. As a first year teacher, I don't have that bank yet, that fall-back of tried and true methods for disciplining and behavior management. On top of that, the problem is much bigger than just one first-year teacher. Every teacher is having a problem with this class. And it comes from the top. Last year, half the 10th grade students had their grades changed to keep the school numbers high, so now they think they don't have to work to pass my class. They think they can goof off for as long as they please and then *poof* they will have a 65 and pass.

But, unfortunately for them, that isn't going to happen. I was too lenient at first (didn't follow the advice to stay mean until at least Christmas) and now I'm paying for it. We are going to have a frank discussion about my expectations and then they are going to be held accountable. No more wishy-washy hand holding and softening the blow. I still care and I will still stay true to myself and my own nature, but I'm not going to go easy on them. If I have to fail the entire class, then so be it, and if the administration doesn't like it, well, they can deal with it. Or not. If they threaten me, I'll tell them honestly that I would rather be fired than give a student a grade he or she did not work for and did not earn.

I'll tell the kids that too. We'll see how it turns out...

Science Contests!

As a first year teacher, I am finding myself too overwhelmed to take advantage of the host of wonderful resources out there. One of the things I would love to do with my kids is enter contests. But I doubt I will have time this year. That's no reason that YOU shouldn't! So here is a list of some competitions I wish I had time to enter. Let me know if you decide to do any of them. (Please note, most captions are taken directly from the linked site and are not written by Teacher's Diary)

ExploraVision

Now in its 18th year, ExploraVision is a science competition that encourages K-12 students of all interest, skill and ability levels to create and explore a vision of future technology by combining their imaginations with the tools of science. All inventions and innovations result from creative thinking and problem solving. That's what ExploraVision is all about.

Spirit of Innovation Awards

The Spirit of Innovation Awards competition brings together teams of high school students to address the grand challenges of the 21st century by creating products using science, technology, innovation, and entrepreneurship in 4 categories (Aerospace Exploration, Renewable Energy, Green Schools and Space Nutrition).

Siemens Competition

The Siemens Competition in Math, Science & Technology recognizes remarkable talent early on, fostering individual growth for high school students who are willing to challenge themselves through science research. Through this competition, students have an opportunity to achieve national recognition for science research projects that they complete in high school. It is administered by The College Board and funded by the Siemens Foundation.

Project-Based Learning in a Test-Based World

Over the summer, I had to choose between two job offers and part of my decision in favor of the school where I am now teaching was the fact that the school uses project-based learning. This was a draw for me because, thinking back to my own high school days, I only remember the projects. The tests and lectures and even most of the papers have faded to vague impressions, but I still remember, quite vividly, building a bridge out of Popsicle sticks and observing the aggressive behavior of crayfish. I feel that projects are the way kids learn best. Or at least, that's what I thought then.

Now, I'm starting to wonder whether students need certain basics before project-based learning can really work. What I've found is that the kids I work with are so far behind, and behavior is sometimes so crippling to the learning environment, that by the time we get to the project, the kids are tired of the topic and ready to move on. It has been nearly two months now and my kids are still on Unit One, finishing up their unit projects in the upcoming week. Yet there were times when I felt I was moving too quickly, and most kids failed the unit test I gave them.

I would love to have the kids explore concepts through projects, but projects take time and planning ahead. Right now, it may be too much for me to handle, not to mention the fact that the kids don't necessarily like projects. When I was in school, I loved the freedom to develop my own ideas and explore concepts on my own. This is the key to truly learning. But for many of my students, they have no structure at home or in the society around them, so they crave structure and rules and being told what to do. They expect to get that at school. Then I throw them a project and they don't know what to do with it.

Also, lurking in the background is the fact that I have 10 units to get through. And it's not like I can skip one if we run out of time, because these kids have to take the Regents at the end of the year and every unit will be covered on the exam. Standardized tests strike fear into the hearts of teachers - my ability as a teacher will be judged on my students' pass rate. Requiring projects means that I have to spend longer on each unit and have less leeway to delve deeper into topics that interest my students but may not be covered on the test. I will also have less time for review before the Regents.

It is truly a catch-22. As a somewhat idealistic teacher, I want my students to learn and explore and discover things that matter to them, but I also want to prove myself as a teacher and allow my students to do well on tests that college admissions counselors will look at.

In the end, I want to do what's best for the kids, but at the moment, I'm not really sure what that is.

The Joy of Field Trips

Field trips are a welcome break - for both students and teachers - from the rigors and trials of the classroom. Today, I embarked on my first such adventure and came out alive. The prospect of keeping track of 100 kids on the subway for a hour and then at a college fair seemed somewhat daunting at first, but it turned out not to be so bad. Below are some of the great and not so great things about field trips.

1. Kids are actually better behaved outside the classroom.

Perhaps it is because they feel safer in the classroom and know they won't get in any truly serious trouble, but kids find it more acceptable to goof off during class at school than on a trip. Sure, there were kids who tried to separate from the group and the kids I found logged on to MySpace at one of the university's computers, but on the whole I was pleasantly surprised by the behavior.

2. It brings you closer to the kids - for better or for worse.

For some reason, once we left the school building, the kids relaxed around me, joking and chatting about their personal lives as if I was an old friend. It felt good to learn more about them and listen to the things they find important outside of school. After the college fair, we had lunch and spent the afternoon chilling in the park, playing basketball and chatting. This was when the kids decided to pair up every teacher with another teacher. My co-teacher and I are apparently made for each other in the kids' eyes. I mean, come on, we both teach science! Once they latched on to the idea, they would not let it go, calling him by my last name and me by his. I am kind of dreading my classes tomorrow, which may be in total chaos now that the teacher-student boundary has been blurred.

3. They reveal that they are learning more than you think.

It was a very gratifying moment, as I walked up a steep hill into the park with two girls who rarely seem to be paying attention in class, to hear them talking about how steep the hill was. Perhaps to you this does not seem remarkable, but none of my students knew the definition of steep before this year. Then, to my utter amazement, one of the girls turned to me and said, "The topographic map lines would be really close together here." I was shocked. Not only had she retained something from my class, she was able to apply it to the real world and wasn't too shy to admit it. I had them going for a while, discussing where the lines would be farther apart and where they would be closer together. This is the true value of field trips, seeing the classes come alive for the students and having them apply their knowledge.

I definitely hope to plan more field trips in the future, even if it does involve a mountain of paperwork.

Settling In

Well, things are certainly starting to calm down from my perspective. I'm still not preparing as much ahead as I would like, but this weekend I actually felt ok taking several extended breaks from work. I saw some friends, went to the museum, slept in. Now it's Sunday night again and, although I have a lot to do for the upcoming week, I'm not panicking! It's a great feeling - and one that I haven't really had in a while.

That's not to say that I think I'm a great teacher. In fact, I've reached the "disillusionment phase" (see graph below).

The mere fact of survival has become a dull hum at the back of my mind and now my thoughts turn to the hopelessness of my position. Here I am, really knowing nothing about teaching, standing in front of 100 kids every day and trying to convince them that what I have to say is worthwhile. I gave them a test this past week and the grading has been painful. I figure if nearly everyone fails, I must be doing something wrong. But hey, these kids are my guinea pigs, right?

I've accepted the fact that things aren't going to be perfect, or even very good, for most of this year. I'm testing the waters, trying out different styles and techniques to see what works best for me. Of course, I'm still trying to raise student achievement and help my kids on to the next level, but beyond that, I'm trying to become the best teacher I can be. Really, my students this year are going to teach me everything about being a teacher. And I pray that I manage to teach them a few things too.

Now, none of this is to say that I am in any way disheartened or pessimistic. I've just come to realize that I'm not going to save them all this year. I may not even save one. But I'm still going to try my best - I've already taken on more "projects" than I care to acknowledge. Still, I find the disillusionment phase very comforting. The pressure is off because, really, my expectations for myself are pretty darn low right now. My spirits, thankfully, remain high as ever.

Check-In with Adam and Anne

In this blog, so far I have featured two students: Adam, who struggles with gang affiliation and staying on track in class, and Anne, who also gets in fights but seems to thrive on positive feedback in science class.

Adam so far has avoided further suspension, but he is really struggling with his classes. He is a 9th grader for the second time and doesn't like it. Rather than working hard to be sure he is not there again next year, he ignores the work placed in front of him and disrespects teachers. He also lies to me when I ask him what's going on, saying that his teachers are just biased against him and making stuff up. He is failing every single one of his classes, except advisory, where for me he does his work.

So this week, I started trailing him. I sat in on math class without a word and he watched me out of the corner of his eye as he went about his disruptive business. Afterward, we had a talk.

Me: Why do you think I came to your math class yesterday, Adam?

Adam: Cause I missed advisory and you wanted to check up on me.

Me: Not exactly. I wanted to see if your teachers were really lying to me about how little work you are doing. And what do you think I saw?

Adam: You saw me talking.

Me: Yeah. What else?

Adam: You saw me not doing work.

Me: Yeah. What else?

Adam: You saw me walking around.

Me: That's right. And do you think I'm following you like this because I want to catch you doing something bad? No, it's because I know that you are upset about being in 9th grade and I don't want to see you there next year, which is what's going to happen if you keep this up. I don't think you want that either.

Adam: But miss, it's still early in the year.

Me: The end of the marking period was last week. It's not early anymore. This behavior needs to stop right away.

The next day, I went to sit in on his math class again. He saw me at the door, got up and asked for a pass to the nurse, saying his stomach hurt. But he can't run forever...

As for Anne, she has been suspended again for fighting, but has continued to do good work in science class. She likes one-on-one attention, so I try to give her as much as I can. This week, she could obviously tell that I wanted her to do well and she seemed to thrive on it. She secretly loves science, I just have to tease it out of her slowly.

Moment of the week: Anne finished her test early and I gave her a news article on the recent tsunami in Samoa to read. At first she refused to read it, but I pestered her until she sat down and began reading it out loud in an annoying and exaggerated voice. This lasted for a few lines; then her face changed. She grew more serious and interested, and continued reading in silence. At the end of class, she presented a summary of the article to her classmates. Now I just have to convince her that liking school work is not something to be ashamed of.

5 Ways Students Show Their Love

As a new teacher, I still crave that connection with students, the lightbulb moment, and the little signs kids give you to show that you're on the right track. Here are some of the signals I've picked up from my kids, which I choose to interpret as positive signs.

1. They actually acknowledge your existence in the outside world.

Of course in the school hallways, I am always addressed with courtesy and respect, but outside the school walls is a totally separate ballgame. Kids mingle on the street corners and ride in the same subway cars, but for the first couple weeks of school, it was as if I didn't exist anymore. Then, on Tuesday, a girl walked into the fast food place where a group of us were getting dinner and shouted, "Hi teachers!" Now, not all of us were new, but then today, another student and I rode in the same subway car and I actually received a nod and a smile. When we got off at the same stop and went out separate ways, I even merited a "Bye, miss." Exciting stuff.

2. They try to sneak into your classes.

At first, I thought they were just trying to get out of class, and surely some of them were, but certain students consistently try to hide at the back of my classroom instead of going to their other classes. Kids get bathroom passes and come and sit down in my class. Kids even try to convince me that the administration has changed their program to fit my schedule. Each time, I shoo them out, but with a slight glow that it was my classroom they chose to sneak to. Who knows their reasoning - maybe because they think I'm a softy - but still, it feels good.

3. They do chores for you.

Yesterday, I had a kid writing student names on folders for me; today several girls put work up on my bulletin board. If I play my cards right, I won't have to do much more in the way of classroom decorating. It may sound like child labor, but the kids hang out in my room before school and during lunch anyway, so they might as well use their time doing something helpful. Plus they love it. They were fighting over who could staple the letters onto the board!

4. They insult you (after complimenting you).

Today, apparently I looked nice, as several of my students told me. Here was a conversation at the beginning of the school day:

Boy: Miss, you look nice today.

Me: Thank you, ____.

Boy: Yeah, not like you normally do...

(5 minutes later)

Girl: Miss, I love your skirt, but what happened to your hair?

Me: Well, it's windy today!

Girl: But you're inside now. Don't you have a comb?

Needless to say, I interpreted both of these as jokes...

5. They can joke with you.

They have started playing jokes on me, such as coming up behind me and standing there until I turn around or, better still, shouting in my ear and startling me. I can tell it isn't malicious and they do it because it lightens the mood in class (today they were taking a test, so all distractions were welcome).

Certainly one of my goals in the coming months is to get more comfortable playing along with their jokes while still maintaining respect and order in the classroom. I don't want them to think I have no sense of humor, but at the same time, they should not have free license to prank me all the time. It's a fine line and especially fine at a small school that values closeness between teachers and students. But it is certainly something concrete to work on.

Notes to Self (after one month as a teacher)

Well, I've officially been a teacher for over a month now and here are some of the things I want to remember. And some, I want to remember to change for next time around.

1. They may say the "honeymoon period" is the first week, but it can be longer or shorter.

For those who don't know, this is a period at the beginning of the year when students are too shocked at being back to really act out. It does not last. For me it was longer than a week, but now the shenanigans are in full swing. Next time, I'll be ready for it, instead of congratulating myself too early.

2. Decorating the classroom takes longer than you anticipate...but it's worth it.

Having decorations up on the walls finally has opened up the space in my classroom and makes the room feel more lived-in and exciting. It's still not perfect, but next year I'll have better ideas about how to get it done faster and more effectively.

3. Don't rush!

I think I went a bit too fast in trying to cover material. I had been told to spend at least the first week on rules and regulations but figured it made much more sense to dive right into material. Tenth graders know the rules by now right? Wrong. They still need that structure and consistency. Plus, you're a new teacher. They want to know what you expect and how to behave in your classroom. Having specific procedures laid out on the first day helps.

4. Plan, plan, plan.

I did plan what I thought was quite a bit before the beginning of school, but it really takes having a full unit down to get things running smoothly. I ended up doing things out of order, having to retrace my steps and generally following a circuitous route that certainly did not help student understanding. Backwards design really works - I really wish I had made up my unit test before I started the unit so I would know what the students should be learning.

5. Always know more that just what you need to teach.

Kids try to get you off topic with random questions all the time and, in my opinion, teachers should use this to their advantage. Rather than saying "let's stay on topic", I like to get off topic, as long as it doesn't derail the lesson. To me, student learning is student learning and whether they are learning the material on the syllabus is a totally separate issue. I would rather have engaged students learning about something that genuinely interests them than 25 sets of totally glazed eyes. However, when you do manage to get a kid interested in the material, you need to know those extra tidbits that will appeal to them and answer their obscure questions. The effective teacher knows the curriculum inside and out and has some outside knowledge to bring in when it counts.

As the year goes on, I'm sure I'll think of countless other ways to improve my practice. The realization that I'm still a student in many ways is finally dawning.